sans souci.

luddite causation

2009-02-26T19:42:00.002-06:00

Slipping into pants and grabbing a shirt, she paused. It wasn't on the table.

Did she put it in her purse before the shower? No, the pocket was empty.

Ruffling sheets and blankets, she didn't see it on the bed.

"Where could it be?" she asked herself.

She ran her hand along the carpet between the bed and table. Nothing.

Behind the bed? No.

She glanced at the clock -- already 5 minutes late.

"If someone else were here, it'd be easy to find."

She stepped into shoes and grabbed the purse, resigning to find it later. As she turned to leave the room, it rang, betraying its location ... deep underneath the bed.

Grabbing the phone, she ignored the call, slid it into her bag and rushed out the door.

crowded bars

2008-12-15T20:33:00.003-06:00

The first one of the three to make it in, she calmly ducked her way behind a guy.

"That'll be $3," the doorman called after her.

"Oh..." Walking toward him, she remembered something and looked at the second. "Well, hey, you owe me $5 from dinner."

"Yeah, I'll get the two of us." She searched through her purse and pulled out a $20 bill. Glancing at the third, she said, "Actually, I'll get the three of us."

"--Hey, do you girls smoke?" asked a guy in a red hat as he tapped her shoulder.

"Yeah?" She glanced at him, then back at the doorman waiting for the change.

He returned $14. "Was that for three?" She handed back $3.

"--Can you take your drinks out?"

"Nah, gotta leave them here," answered the first, stepping aside for someone to pass.

"--Did you just pay for me?" Asked the third, $3 in her hand.

"But, we can finish that for you, if you want." She turned to her friend, "Yeah, I got you."

"Thanks, I'll buy you a shot." The first and third moved toward the bar.

"--I bet you can." Laughing, he began to walk off, looked out the front, and then handed his drink to her. "Go ahead." And off he went.

Reconvened at the bar, the first and third looked at the second.

"Where'd you get that drink?"

give or take a few years

2008-09-24T21:47:00.003-05:00

Still unaccustomed to the shift in their heights, she looked down into her eyes.

"Hi, Grandma." Smiling, she hugged the 80-year-old lady.

"Oh, I hardly recognize you! How long has it been?"

"Not quite two years -- I was here December of 2006."

They walked to the living room. Not much had changed -- the same furniture, the same carpet, the same houseplants. From the wingback chair by the window, the elder looked her granddaughter over.

"So, how old are you now? 13? 14?"

"Grandma, I'm 23."

of drunk acquaintances

2008-09-10T22:20:00.004-05:00

She met him down the street, in a side room.

Over drinks and dip, they caught up: new jobs, new apartments, new lives.

A slight change of location, a shift of plans, and the conversation continued. Hours slid past before her obligations took hold again.

Watching him walk away through the crowd, a voice pulled her attention back to the corner.

"You'd be a lot of fun to fuck."

cold water tap

2008-07-22T10:18:00.005-05:00

She woke up, sweat across her brow.

Grabbing a towel and a bar of soap, she stumbled into the bathroom.

She adjusted the taps and stepped under the stream.

As the water ran over her, she began to feel content, the suds washing away more than the grim from the day before.

Now, she was ready to great the day, a new beginning in a new apartment. Things weren't so bad.

Except when she reached to shut off the faucet, the cold tap broke and water continued to spill into the tub.

breaking the silence

2008-04-10T22:40:00.003-05:00

The conversation lulled. She looked at his buttoned shirt.

"You should have snaps." She touched his collar.

"Yeah?"

"And a hat."

"Oh, you mean like that guy?" he asked, motioning at someone behind her near the dart boards.

"With boots."

Just as she said it, the man from across the room walked up, complete with her three requests.

"She was just telling me I needed a shirt like that," he said to the newcomer, who moved to set his beer on their table.

He didn't make it -- the cup crashed to the floor. They looked down at the small alcoholic tragedy, and he promptly walked away.

"You know, that was your fault."

suriphobia and how to cope

2007-12-04T16:18:00.001-06:00

She woke up late, enjoying the lack of responsibilities the day held.

Walking down the hall, she turned toward the living room, coming toe-to-whisker with a mouse.

The two stood in shocked silence, eyes locked.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, she thought of something that would strike fear into its pin-head sized heart.

"MOUSE!"

And off it went.

what boys will do with the promise of ice cream

2007-11-27T13:39:00.000-06:00

He agreed to help her. However, it's hard to say whether he knew to what extent.

She picked him up at the gate around 11 Saturday morning. In her back seat sat a red blanket, a camera and a Wal-Mart sack with a box of condoms.

They rode the 10 minutes out to the trails with little conversation between them.

Pulling up to the lot, they saw a troop of boy scouts wandering about. Clearly, the boys had just gotten there.

"This may be interesting," she said, grabbing the blanket and sack and sticking the camera in her back pocket.

Avoiding the scouts, they made their way down to the forested paths, passing a lady and her dog on the way.

"Maybe Saturday morning isn't the best time for this."

Continuing down a path, chosen at random, they decided on a leafy patch just inches from the trail.

Down went the blanket, and he quickly followed, awaiting instruction.

"I don't really know," she confessed. "Uhh... pull your shirt up a bit."

Two-hundred-fifty-three pictures later, she bought him ice cream for a job well done. And the photos made The Argo.

sweeping the lawn

2007-11-15T17:16:00.001-06:00

Greeted with crisp autumn air, she locked the front door and made her way to the car.

The front stoop seemed oddly bare, and she looked to the driveway's edge to see a pile of leaves. Someone was busy this morning.

In the car, cutting a corner and then pouring round the next, she noticed a man in the middle of a yard.

Next to him stood a vacuum.

As the car drove past, the man didn't look up from his task -- vacuuming the leaves from his lawn.

17th and Topeka Boulevard

2007-11-08T16:25:00.000-06:00

Red hat, ear flaps and white-fur-collared brown coat, he walked up to the light post.

Pausing next to the large metal pole, he took his time to balance a tree limb the height of himself against it.

He pushed the walk button and moved to the curb.

The light changed.

The red-hatted, ear-flapped, white-fur-collared brown-coated man abandoned his wood companion and crossed the street.

'I want to fucking tear you apart'

2007-11-05T01:14:00.000-06:00

She Wants Revenge
Oct. 27, 2007, at the Black Cat
Washington, D.C.

varying perspectives

2007-11-05T00:07:00.001-06:00

Driving to 13th and Lane, she continued her mild complaint.

"Yeah, so he only likes music he happens on himself," he inferred from the passenger's seat when she finished.

"It sure seems that way," she said. "[My former boyfriend] had a different approach, he was more open. ... Or just more fake about it."

"Well, at least [your boyfriend at present] is sincere," he observed.

Never before seeing the situation as such, words failed her. That small third-party observation changed her entire perspective for sincerity could never be a fault in her eyes.

To the stars, to the stars,
to the silver scars that mark the night.
Alight! Alight,
and leave this silent world behind.

"To the stars! To the stars!" Le Loup

traitor in the midst: a glimpse into the student publications' office

2007-10-31T18:26:00.000-05:00

He had just set down the plaque, remaining engulfed in his conversation.

She picked it up, turned to the man at the desk, saying, "I think I'll just take it, under my shirt." He laughed. "On second thought, maybe I'll just hide it."

Glancing at the talking man, she walked to the yearbook-lined bookshelf with plaque in hand. Edging a few out slightly, she slipped the plaque behind the books. She grabbed a chair and sat next to the man at the desk, who pretended to be none-the-wiser, and they watched the ensuing calamity.

Within seconds, the talking man stopped talking. He walked to where he laid the plaque. "Where'd the Pacemaker go?" he inquired to the room.

This prompted a scour of the office -- rummaging through drawers, shuffling through papers, searching the darkroom -- all to no avail.

At one point, the once-talking man stood in front of the bookshelf, examining the yearbooks, but he failed to notice the few bulging books betraying the plaque's hiding place.

With each passing minute, the search became more frantic. Hands on his head, he sighed, clearly blaming himself for the lost plaque.

She began to rethink her actions. "Do you think we should tell him?" she asked the man at the desk. "No, no...," he reassured with a smirk.

And she walked out of the room.

magnetic ghosts

2007-10-29T11:37:00.000-05:00

The ghost phenomenon may be nothing more than abnormal magnetic fields and low frequency sound waves, according to the program "Secret Life of Ghosts and Werewolves" that ran on KTWU last night.

While these scientific explanations may account for many of the occurrences reported, as they increase feelings of paranoia and stimulation, (as in being touched when not), and visual illusions, they do not account for themselves.

What causes abnormal magnetic fields and unusually low frequencies?

Ghosts, no doubt.

logic on Mass. Street

2007-10-25T02:51:00.000-05:00

"I'm willing," a guy yelled from a passing truck. "Will you rape me?"

Taken by surprise, the three of them paused and stared as the truck continued down the street.

Looking from one to the other, he says, "I'm pretty sure that's just sex."

If you really want to make it,
you had best remember this:
If it isn't penetration
then it isn't worth a kiss.

"Penetration," Pedro the Lion

dubious conduct in lot 10

2007-10-22T21:38:00.001-05:00

Everything seemed off all day.

But she couldn't figure out why.

She woke up in time to eat breakfast.

She made it to her classes on time and even did all the homework.

She didn't lose her keys or misplace her lip gloss.

She remembered where she parked.

Then it hit her: She left her bra in the parking lot.

escaped convict no more.

2007-10-11T00:06:00.000-05:00

"Hey, do you think I can climb that wall?" he asked, contemplating his physical prowess.

Swinging her legs from the bench, tired from the hike, she glanced at the brick.

As he approached the wall, a noise drew their attention. A car pulled around from the side of the building, Shawnee County Sheriff clearly across its side. Seconds later, from the opposite side, an SUV appeared -- Oklahoma State Trooper.

For a minute, vehicle after vehicle poured from the structure, half a dozen from Oklahoma, even more from Shawnee County.

As the flow ceased, they turned to each other: What could draw so many sheriffs and state troopers, especially from Oklahoma?

Continuing their hike, they discussed possibilities, each one more outrageous than the last.

Minutes later, a straggling sheriff car came into view. She waved it down; she had to know.

"Because of all the abandoned buildings, we come out here to train our dogs."

hey, thanks for the Corona.

2007-09-30T23:02:00.000-05:00

They met at the Bottleneck to catch a show -- it was Wednesday, which meant $1 beers.

But they couldn't stop there. Slippery nipples, Jäger bombs, bartender's concoctions all joined the PBR cans. Drink followed drink as they took in the show.

As the night wore to morning, the bar emptied out; they followed suit.

Outside, they spotted a rather large touring RV by the curb. As they watched, the man in front of them grabbed the door handle, jumped in and started to close the door.

"Oh, hey there, hi...," they mumbled from the sidewalk at the closing door, joking with one another.

Unexpectedly, the man reopened the door and returned their greeting. Within seconds, they found themselves climbing the stairs on the RV.

"Well, here's our living room, and back there is where we sleep and behind that is the equestrian park," he tells them. "We have a pool downstairs and a triple rainbow on the second floor with the unicorn."

Just as quickly, they found themselves back on the sidewalk.

However, with a cold bottle of Corona in hand.

the questionable east side

2007-09-17T21:34:00.000-05:00

liberal arts

2007-09-15T12:40:00.000-05:00

In a crowded bar he calmly gazes across the room. Music blares behind him. He looks down to the table. Hand twitching slightly, his eyes move back, intrigued.

Conversations form around him, but he continues his cycle.

She takes notice and watches his eyes drift, his hand moving mechanically. She hadn't seen him in years, yet not much has changed.

Minutes pass. His hand stops, he gets up and walks across the room. Approaching a man with a dark hat, sunglasses, mustache and beard, he introduces himself and hands over a piece of paper.

The man laughs, they shake hands. New friends, they rejoin the table.

Out of gratitude, the man pulls out a stiff cigarette and lighter. The man tips the cigarette with something and passes it to him. He smokes, much obliged, and passes it back. They part ways -- one with a sketch of himself, the other a bit hungry.

As they walk to the car, his arm around her shoulders, he tells her, "You should have tried it."

the same dead end.

2007-09-12T18:56:00.000-05:00

She knows that road. Its dips and turns once intrigued her. The houses, neat and proper, lining its edge, had made her smile. Its young trees had played in the breeze.

Then something changed. The dips became a nuisance, the turns not sharp enough. The houses shown wear and papers sat uncollected on lawns. The trees leaned, twisted and warped.

She left that road. She moved on, found another one, didn't look back.

Yet, years later by chance, she happened by it again and wondered.

Walking down the sidewalk, slowly passing from shadow to sun and back again under the canopy of the now full-grown trees, she smiled...

...knowing where it leads.

Maybe some day we'll meet again,
when our two roads hit the same dead end.
And, oh, I'm countin' the days.
You've got something that I've never since seen,
a willing heart and a pot that's clean.
We're both good at counting the days...

"Your X-ray results have come back from the doctor
and we think we know what the problem is," Jets to Brazil

from 35 to 40

2007-09-01T14:31:00.000-05:00

"I clocked you at 43 while it's 35 through here," said the officer, illuminated by red and blue flashing lights.

He had been perched in the valley across from the dam on southeast 29th Street where the speed limit changes, and she saw him too late.

"I'm sorry, I was just coming down that hill...," she replied while handing over her license.

As he walked back to his car, she shielded her eyes. The reflection from her rear view mirror of those flashing lights seemed unnecessarily bright for that time of night. She glanced through her windshield.

Just feet from her front bumper stood the sign: Speed Limit 40.

Wednesday's lunch hour

2007-08-23T16:34:00.000-05:00

Sitting at the corner of Washburn and Sixth Avenues on her way back to school, sweating and waiting for the light, she gazed out the window to see a man.

Of average height and weight, he had just left Long John Silver's and was returning to his car. He didn't notice her on the street but she noticed him for he epitomized the person who eats at Long John Silver's:

Middle-aged, mustached and smoking a pipe.

the rare green lemon

2007-08-22T00:43:00.000-05:00

On a recent venture to the supermarket, she picked up a 3-pound bag of yellow onions, a jar of medium salsa and a bright green lime.

After waiting a few minutes in the 18 items or less line behind a rather vocal lady with a comment for each of her 18 items, the checker begins ringing up the girl's three things. The onions and salsa go by without a hitch, but the lime lacked a label. The checker looks at the lime, looks at her and asks, "This is a lemon, right?"

"No, it's a lime."